Albertus Angga

Today , the result for OSP ( Olimpiade Sains Provinsi / Province Science Olympiad ) just come out, and too bad, I didn't make it to OSN ( Olimpiade Sains Nasional / National Science Olympiad ). OSN is a really prestigious event in my country, and when you get medal in the olympiad, you will be given a chance to enter Pelatnas to aim for International Olympiad, and once you get medal in International Olympiad then the Government will give you scholarship. My field in this OSP was Computer. Back then, when I won at OSK(Olimpiade Sains Kabupaten / Regional Science Olympiad), I know that it was really God's work, it's his Grace that made me won, He gave me the 2nd chance to me, but now I destroyed that second chance, I am failed at OSP... I regretted so much, since 11 June when the OSP was held I was really disappointed with myself and my skill, but I still kept up my hope back then.
But today, I know that I am failed, I have to look at my current self. I really hate my curent self, I hate my 'weak' self. 私は弱いだ..このままじゃダメ ,そう思った。 Things can't go on like this, I have to change..
There is so much in myself that I should destroy and fix. That's why, even I am failed today, I will never forget this failure in my life, but I will make this failure as my determination, I have God in myside, I have my destiny, but the main problem is my own self. I was weak, i was not determined enough, i was not focused enough, and I messed up big time.. But today, I know that God allowed me to failed to make this day as a 'turning back point' in my life.. I'm still grateful to God , when I am failed I totally aware that this is my fault, i don't have the rights to blame my Father in heaven, it's not his fault, it's my fault that I am not 'accurate' enough in His Destiny. But I swear, I will change, I will repent,  I will not mess up again, I will be more accurate in His Destiny !